Carol Clash

So this morning, Carol was talking to me about Janardan, and how he is only taking one seratonin pill, and how that is doing nothing, and she is talking to me really frustrated about him not taking more, and I couldn't stand just being quiet, so I said, pretty nicely, "He has to do what he thinks is best for him." Which she promptly ignored and said, "Yeah but taking one is like doing nothing. It's not worth taking them." To which I responded, "I think he wants to ramp up gradually." And then she talked about how that was worthless, and didn't he read the thing about bedroom hygiene? He's only supposed to sleep in there. The response to that I kept in my head.

I feel that often my venting is impeded by me understanding why the other person has such positions. Today I am going to dispense with that and just have a good old-fashioned, unreasonable vent fest.

So how I would have liked to respond, "Don't you realize that the reason he does stuff in the bedroom is because it is the one place besides the bathroom that he can have some freedom from your relentless nagging and worrying. It is the one place he can come at night and not have to worry about making 10 decibels of sound and waking you up, followed the next day by you complaining all day about how poorly you slept, because you refuse to close your door? He can't leave the house, because it wears him out to do so, so his one place of solitude in the house is in the bedroom, his one place where he is at least warned about your interference by a knock at the door. It may be ideal for him not to do anything but sleep in the bedroom, but he has no other place to go to get away from your relentless stream of requests and demands. And from your example, waking up 2-3 times a night and you never seem to be rested - this is the convincing argument - that because it works so well for you, that is why he should do it. Just because you don't need time away from yourself does not mean the rest of us don't. You think he wants the center to get him better? He really does not think the center will do much good. He thinks it is quackery. Just as you encourage him to disparage advice given to him by a real doctor, to exercise, he feels just as disparaging of the quacks that you want him to go to. I don't know why we are here, but I doubt greatly it is to come to the fibromyalgia center. You won't get Janardan to eat better by trying to force fruits and veggies down his throat. You won't get him better by trying to force medicine down his throat. The one vindication in you not believing the exercise thig is that when he starts exercising, you will not have the self-righteous feeling that you did something good by badgering him to exercise, because you haven't, and so when he does it, he will do it on his own, because he is ready and wants to."

Ok...so there was my rant. I really need to be getting to church. Honestly, I do not understand why she does not trust Janardan to decide what is best for his body. She has decided she doesn't want to have her gall bladder removed - why can't Janardan decide he doesn't need so much seratonin. It is his body and he deals with the consequences, not her. I know she worries about him, and it affects her life, but that does not make it her life. It is still his life, still his body. He is the controller of his own destiny.