Sometimes I feel so snotty

Like I feel like screaming that I'm not snotty, I'm not! It is this situation that is tearing away my sanity. Like Carol announces to Janardan that she wants me to help with acorns in the fall. And it like immediately starts to make me feel like crap, and I am like - why? I don't mind helping. But it's not because she's asking me to do something - because she's not. She never asks. She assigns. If she asks me to do something (on the rare occasion that she does) I am more than willing to do it. But I don't like being assigned chores like I am 5-years old. Pretty much anything she requests that I do, I will do, but I hate hate hate being assigned to do things when there is no reason for her to feel like she is in a position of power over me. She is not my boss, and I am not a child. I am a freakin' adult. We are here in Texas, living here in her house...at her request. I didn't ask her to take care of us, and so I don't feel obligated to kowtow to any assignment she gives me. Not that I won't do it, because inevitably I will, because I would rather swallow my own pride and just wait until I can bust out of here than cause even more drama and increase the likelihood that I am perceived as lazy and a non-contributing member of the family.

And my sanity is slowly creeping away. I just really want to leave, right now. I just want to pack up the car, get in, and drive...anywhere. As in I really wish we were living with either of my parents right now and not his. Because my parents are easier to deal with...for both of us. I just want to be around people who love and care about me, and who recognize my worth. I think how different it was to hear my dad tell a story about how I would subvert him in getting me to do chores, and he seemed to take pride in that fact, that I had my own special way of doing things. He didn't think I was lazy, but that I was smart. And here, I help out and do whatever, and don't subvert people, but still I am unappreciated. There is no stability. I tried to talk to Carol again about this week specifically what days I want to make meals, and she said "Well nothing has to be set in stone" and I am like...I want to have it set in stone. I want to have something predictable and dependable, because nothing in this house is. The only things that are dependable are the things that I decide to do or that Janardan decides to do. Yes, you heard me, Janardan is dependable. With all his sickness and all the fluctuating factors of his life that make him so unpredictable, in this household, he is the most predictable thing there is.

As in I am hoping things will settle down a little when Chandra and Carol start up school again, then maybe they will be more scheduled and stable. I just want to run away. Far far far away. It is 12 days to Austin, but that still sounds like so long. I wish I hadn't read the Twilight series, and I could throw myself into them for a few days. I keep waiting for Breaking Dawn. I need a book that is enthralling and just takes me away. So, any really good fantasy book suggestions, I am open to them. I just want to get away from this house, if I can't run away in body, then at least I can take a vacation of mind, throw myself into a book, and do nothing else but read.

So, I not looking for books that are like necessarily really good books, though that is good - I am looking for something gripping, where I can't put it down. I just want something that pulls me in so it is hard to get out, because being trapped in a book sounds so lovely.