Dealing with Adversity

We all have natural reactions to adversity. My reaction is to get quiet, and to get by myself, to avoid contention at all possible costs without having to deal with problems directly. I will do pretty much anything to avoid causing unpleasantness and contention, if it is something I can foresee. Unfortunately, in this situation, I can see all too clearly. Chandra is upset because I, and the men in the house, do not help with the dishes. So it should seem easy to avoid contention - help with the dishes, which would be my natural reaction, and I would enjoy it. Whenever I envisioned in-laws, I imagined they would love me because I was so willing to help around the house. But I guess I also envisioned in-laws a bit more like my own mother, where if someone else is doing it, their way is fine with her. So the reason I really don't do dishes in the first place is because Carol is particular about the way she likes dishes to be done, and the kitchen to be cleaned. And well, pretty much everything else too, but that's not relevant right now. My inclination to help around the kitchen was squashed the day I watched Chandra clean the whole kitchen, then Carol came home and yelled at her for doing it wrong. And my impression has not been changed by other interactions in the kitchen. I imagine if I chose to help in the kitchen, I would be waylayed with all the things I was doing wrong. No one would be happy with what I did in the kitchen.

So I have chosen the past of least resistance - doing nothing. It is minimal contention, and I can get away from it fairly quickly, but I would really prefer to have a solution with no contention. My general second option to pre-emptively dealing with the contention is talking it out with the person involved, but there again I lack any hope of that actually working. In the car ride when we were talking, Chandra could not for one second see my point of view, or concede that I might act from different dictates than her. She has her own little view of the world, and she thinks everyone else should hold the same view, to the point where talking to her seems pretty much futile. My old roommate Carolyn just blogged about how she had a random miracle with wheat puffs giving her an enjoyable church experience. I am searching for my wheat puffs.