Elation and Apathy

I feel elated right now. I just finished a book, and it made me soo happy. It just restored my faith in the universe. And to that, I feel like I have an impenetrable bubble that no Chandra and Carol can mar. Chandra is decidedly pissed at the world, and directs that at me right now, but I am still shiningly happy, because I know there is nothing I can do about it. Not one speck of worry, not even changed actions will make her feel differently, so trying is pointless, so I can feel free to feel elated, and to frankly not care at all what they think and feel. I have let myself be vulnerable for a while, now, you know, in the hopes of it yielding good results. But they are the dragons, and I am not living in ice, so for now, even invisioning a friendship is pointless. When they move to the ice, perhaps I will follow, and there we can be friends. But now, I will leave my defenses up in regards to them, while leaving them bare for all those who don't assault me. And I will revel in the joy. 

Today I feel the power of my own power to decide - the reach of my own grasp, the power of agency. I have the power to choose to not let them in now. I have the power to not care now. And I have the power to find here, even in the closest thing to hell that I have ever been. That is my perogative. And I will take it. These devils will not molest me. (Speaking figuratively of course, I don't really think they are devils. Haha)